Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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