bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
