then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
