I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
