She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
