I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
