um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize