TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
