Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
