The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
