$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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