i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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