why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
