Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My breasts were aching with rage.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
