He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
