I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize