So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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