Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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