Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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