I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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