if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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