The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
They have beer where we have blood.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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