so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize