the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
