I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
