they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
