just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
