you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
