i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
