It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need to calm my uterus...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
