Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
