Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
