Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
