You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize