my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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