ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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