my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
