youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
