I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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