the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize