oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
