the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
