there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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