The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
