I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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