shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
