I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize