3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
