i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
