Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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