i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
