You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
