Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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