It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
