There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize