I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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