i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
