dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
