Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
