and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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