I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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