I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
