Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
