i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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