I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
