she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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