great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
